Feb 19.

At this point of time , there is no one would understand how hurt i feel right now.
I had mark the most happiest day of my life on Feb 15 2011 , but it had all crashed on this very day.
Havent i go thru enough to be with Yazid. Life isnt fair for me.
Im just too upset till i couldnt bring myself to shed any more tears.
There is many mistakes in the past which blew the chances away.
I dont understand why is mum torturing my feelings.
It was the most happy moments when he came back to my life.
Only god knows how my heart beats upon hearing from him & the thought of having you around me again send shivers down my spine.
It was a proposal on this very day Feb16, whereby i seen a diffrent side of him.
Only god knows how much i miss him and how much i longed for him.
Im willin to give up my world my everything just to be with you .
Something just keeps coming my way and crushed my feelings till i felt my heart is torn apart.
Im willing to give up my world , Im more than willing to be ur wife and i know youre a someone whom i trust i could be with till death do us apart.
Its difficult to live w/o you fr a year, i dunno how i manage to pull through those hard times.
Just the thought of leaving you forever can make me weep and sob like a baby.
My heart had just crushed into million pieces which i think no one else could fix it except for you.
How much i wanted you to be with me but i just have to gave it away to be a faithful daughter.
I know god is always near to me and will always answer to my prayer.



Sayang, Having you again was the best moments of my life. I never wish to stop loving you.
If was really love i know we'll find a way soon. Ive never doubt your love. I can feel ur sincerity. I am confident in you.
Im willing to go thru this hard times to be with you .
I'll never stop loving you .
If we are not meant to be together , There is one thing i need you to know and understand.
I'll never erase you from my memory . How far you'll be, i'll kept you close to my heart.
Now, then, forever yazid.

I had my internet fixed. There is so much things i would like to express down here.
I have no idea what i am going through right now. I got myself into a mess that i would never thought i could handle. Each day passes by luck,its like tossing coins be it head or tail. I never thought without Yazid around,feels llike i lost part of my life. I didnt know what great impact he made to my life. I never ask for this, I never want this to be the end. I feel so out of place. 5 months had passed,that 5 months means alot to me. He see me thru my training days till where i am now,in woodland checkpont. Why do he have to appear in my dreams everyday. Each day i tried very hard to move on,living in denial not missing him,. I cried hard. The last time i cried hard when Ian left me. I may be tough but i still hold a woman hearts,i failed to face reality. The least you could do is to give me a proper goodbye to put my heart at peace. You went totally silent. I have no idea where you are. Everything change so drastically. Is karma really happening to me now? If it is i have no othee choice but to accept the fact that your gone,but im holding on to tt little hope that you'll be back. I could never find any other replacement. Lotsa things makes me reminds of you. Its just not the same gg karoke w/o you. Its just so hard living each day w/o cakcak or berry around. I'd always wanted to watch dear john,and finally i got the dvd and watch it this morning. Some how berry appeared two times in the story. Little2 things makes me remind of you. Now the fact that you're gone. You're no longer here to listen to me . The best i could have with me that makes me feel you're near to me is to hear your voice recording which i took secretly while you're singing,those videos we took and the hundereds pictures that i kept incuding the wallet photo which i bring to wherever i go. This is the most hard fact of life. I hold your words and partly it encourage me to further my studies. You ever said it to me,if i continued my studies in return you'll give me happiness. You could be as thousand miles away,but these little things makes me feel you're always here right beside me always. I didnt wrote this down out of a broken heart.
I dont wanna call myself a big shots,having guys aftering me,conflicts between them to win me. Please tell me how and where do i start to pick up my life .
How far you'd run away,i can feel you here right beside me. I had only one thing to tell you.. I never thought i'd fall for you so hard,i know its only 5 months and nothing compared to her.
Now i finally realize where i stand.



Imysm.